Life never ceases to teach you... the learning never ends no matter how old you get. There always is a new chapter, a new lesson, a new word or a new aspect to the same old story that you had not properly grasped. And there you are , rubbing your nose into it, learning it all over again.
I was 21 when my father was diagnosed with cancer. Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Last year of college couldn't have been any tougher i guess. Being the only child and being the best friend of my Abbu , I didn't want to finish college the same year, but he couldn't bear me wasting a year of my life because of his illness. So he forced me to continue, amidst all the chemo and all. I was lucky to have the tutor i had (Rashid Rana) who really supported me well and i ended up with the distinction and an award. Now when i look back, i really don't know how i managed all that! But that couldn't stop my father from leaving me. Exactly a month after the thesis show he passed away, leaving me and my mother in a state that i don't have words to define even today, a decade later! Wow. it has been 10 years! and i have survived without him...unbelievable!
But here i am a decade later, facing a worst situation with my mother. Knowing what she is going through, dealing with another cancer, unable to stop her from slipping away, is again undefinable. I have a roller coaster relationship with Ammi, where we have to disagree on every single thing every day, and yet come together in the end. But today she didn't resist , today she didn't deny .... and i feel at loss winning an argument without her opposing me.
What the hell !
A person who has never asked for any sort of help from anyone, whatsoever, when comes down to a point in life when they can not stand up without support is painful to see and i don't really want to know how it feels! The circle of life seems too wicked to me today. Its nature...almost merciless. Its cycle... pointless.
I remember, a few days before my father passed away, the son of his long lost friend came over to visit (that friend who he hadn't met for over 25 years also died one week after Abbu's demise) , and Abbu said something that rings in my ears from time to time. He said " Can i tell you something Lalay dear... In the end only memories remain. But if i tell you the truth, a point comes when even they cease to exist." ..............................
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And here i am trying to jot down the memories, the experiences, the life......
only for it all to be withered away.... someday.
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